Do what is hard not what is easy when it comes to our kids.

 



Some topics are hard.  We love our babies. All of us and each in our own way. Some we spoil to a fault, some we dish out tough love, others have a hot mix of different styles and added in there is the grandparents element which has all their 

own generation of methods and etc too.  The kid has to navigate all your differences and attempt to beat the system. Worse, all of you think you know better…think you love the kid more and none of you are communicating or have a plan.  It will not go well. 

Through it all, the varying styles you each try or are just plain winging it,,..there must be a method to the madness. You must set ground rules, and prepare cake or the penalty.  No ifs, no whats, no buts.  No…just today lah daddy let you stay home cos daddy can just work from home…its fine…or mummy will buy you that toy even though you did not earn it yet…just this once. 

All it takes is for a kid to oh say flip his bowl by accident and  you stop feeding him the bowl of steamed broccoli he hates and you have just helped him discover a way to beat the system. 

Soon he will flip not just veggies but anything that is not his favourite food.  He watches mommy and daddy clean up and  he gets what he wants… you have now the making of a little tyrant. 

 Mommy will blame herself, daddy will stress watching this happen and  give baby a treat while mommy recovers from the break down and meanwhile all the kid knows is…if I throw food I do not like…I get yummies eventually. 

At the next meal, daddy tries. He dangles a treat and says if baby eats the veggies he gets the treat. Baby tosses the veggies. In rage daddy walks away n leaves baby hungry to teach him a lesson. As daddy heads to the couch and  messes with his phone for an hour. …Baby cries all hungry still and mommy decides baby cant go hungry like that so better then no food..she gives the treat.  Fast forward two years later. 

The two parents send the kid to his first daycare and there they tell the daycare the kid only eats cereal, treats and nothing else. No rice, no veggies, will explode in full tantrums  if anything else is offered.  Disaster complete. 

See the pattern? Junior beat the system by being more consistent then his parents.   His parents  had no plan except to one up each other by being the good guy with treats. When one went tough the other went soft and thus began a pattern of unknowingly sabotaging each other’s efforts. 

Parents…. you need to be on the same page.  Reinforce one another’s efforts and punish or reward together or as one.

If they flip the bowl of veggies make another. They don’t get to win this one and no cheats or treats till it ends the way you need it to.

If baby girl throws a fit … even if you can work from hone if its a school day then IT IS A School day. Get up and send them. 

If they are faking being ill even more so they have to head off to school. Whenever you decide to let them slack just because you want to be wonder mommy or daddy…  you would have taken two steps back when it was so much effort to get them to move forward for the first step.

Its hard to not spoil them, its too easy to spoil them and bathe in manipulated adoration.  Do instead what is hard. Spoiling them should be s the random unexpected treat not  the spoil on demand.  

Work with each other. Sit the grandparents down too and lay the ground rules that everyone plays by.  No sabotaging each others efforts.  Work with teachers and even get advice from them.  It takes a village to raise a single child. 

Spoiling your kids will bring so much grief to come and all of it is preventable. Do what is hard not what is easy. Then and only Then it becomes easy…. Not the other way around. Good luck parents and keep it up. You can do this. We are all rooting for your little and you. 

Read more here if you need a more detailed rundown gang. 

https://www.verywellfamily.com/ways-to-make-your-discipline-consistent-1094831

#taska #tadika #kindergarten #preschool #daycare #childcare #damansarautama

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